Repeating the Standard

Submitted by me and published 11/19/08 at GrowingKids.org.


Repeating the Standard

When my children were toddlers I expected to repeat myself often, and I did! Little minds needed prodding to remember that toys didn’t pick themselves up and Mommy is the boss even when we’re at Grandma’s house.

During the elementary years I was the one who needed reminding that they were capable of remembering the certain unchangeable rules like common courtesies at church, putting shoes where they go, and not talking with food in their mouths. The responsibility had shifted to them in many areas to ensure their ownership of our rules and God’s standard of behavior.

As my children have grown into their pre-teen years the amount of things they are responsible for has changed. Also the weight of these things has increased. No longer are we telling them they can’t ride their bicycle in the neighbor’s yard, but why we don’t feel it’s best to have boyfriends and girlfriends. What a difference a few years makes!

The toys are more valuable and the broken rules have sometimes life-changing consequences. Our hope now is that their decision-making and their actions are spurred on by their beliefs. If we’ve done a good job filling their minds with principles from the Word and led them to the Counsel of the Holy Spirit, then we, like other parents, pray they make wise choices.

What I’ve found to be another difference in my parenting is that I must be willing to repeat my convictions about these heavier topics. Not only repeating for clarity but for encouragement.

A common example stems from the increased time my children are in school with their friends. They forget why we have chosen the standard we have. They know it’s because “we want to do things God’s way,” and, “God’s way is always the best way.” These answers, though accepted, don’t satisfy the longing of our adolescents to feel secure and satisfied when “everybody” seems to be doing something else.

My daughter recently came and asked if she could talk to me alone. I’ve learned, especially with her temperament, that she was inviting me into her private world with these words. She proceeds to tell me a boy has asked her “out.” “Not to go anywhere or do anything, just to be his girlfriend,” she expounds. She wants to know why we don’t allow this and she asks quietly, humbly, and not in a challenging way.

I begin by asking her why she thinks we believe the way we do. She surprises me with an almost verbatim response from six months ago when she posed a similar question before a school dance. OK, so she’s heard, but she just needs reassurance as she deals with this again.

My quick answer would’ve been, “You know why!” Fortunately, I’ve learned that my pre-teens, although raised with the principles of God’s Word, still need repeating, redefining, and encouraging at times. This scenario epitomizes the reason we have developed a relationship with our children over the years! It’s a blessing they are asking questions at all!

I know I’m the same say with God, and I’m almost certain that’s one of the reasons God transcribed His Word so I could be reminded of His ways every hour if necessary. Oh, how I wish we were still talking about why we don’t pick flowers in someone else’s yard! Instead we are forging ahead – hopefully remembering that sometimes we all need a reminder to speak those words of life gently and maybe speak them again and again.